I believe that some men do "fight" their way to the "top of the tree" and become Alpha Males like in the Animal Kingdom. I've known a few Alpha Males and they're the one who get the girls when their buddies fail. I'm pretty sure it's about dominance - the dominant Alpha Male can face down the Beta Males and gets what all the other guys can't. I believe there's an equivalent in the female of the species too: an Alpha Female. Alpha Females have that same dominant quality.
I know what you're talking about but it's kinda hard to pin down and even harder to name. I don't like "Alpha Male" because for one thing that's not a term for a human being but a primate; "Alpha Male" also carries the idea of the man being one who has a lot of ladies; I don't like "macho" or "machismo" because it makes me think of swaggering youths who think they're kewl 'n' tough, and who are actually pathetic creatures ladies laugh at. I like "masculine power" or "male power" but there's got to be a better word for it. Anyone got a better idea?
Mac and I have been together as a couple for 18 months. Before that we had a friendship stretching back over four years. Mac has this ability to take control of any situation and make everyone present obey Him. It is not always a conscious thing for everyone, but it still happens. I was always aware that He had a certain air about Him but it has only been recently that I have become aware that other women and men feel it too. He has always just felt that it was His natural right to take whatever He wanted. Not many people have ever tried to challenge Him and not because He is a bully, just because they seem to think it is His right too. He tends not to abuse this, though He often could, and I think that just gains Him more respect from the people around Him.
It affects me deeply. I have always wanted to be the life and breath of this Man from the first moment I met Him. I wanted to please Him. I wanted never to disappoint Him. I don't just mean a sexual attraction because at first it wasn't sexual, it just was. For a long time neither He nor I had a name for it, after a while it became my submission to Him though He still claims no dominance over me other than His natural right as my Lover, Protector, Friend and Provider. (What I call dominance, Mac prefers to call masculinity and what I call submissiveness, Mac calls femininity.)
When I thought about this topic, the following about Mac and His father came to mind.
Mac once told me a story about His dad, who was also the coach of Mac's rugby team while He was still in school. Mac's dad coached the team for many years, from the time they were little lads whose dads would dry behind their ears in the change rooms after games, until this particular time when they were 17. It was the end of the season and the boys had performed well, taking out the area championship as well as quite a few of the players being selected to play for the national school boys team.
The rugby club put on a celebratory dinner for them, the boys and their families. The beer was free and the club didn't stick to the rules of age when it came to drinking, the boys were their champions and so close to legal age after all.
So here were twenty 17 year olds, drinking themselves silly while their parents, siblings and grandparents looked on. Mac's dad was outside being interviewed by a local paper and had no clue what was going on inside.
It was announced that the buffet was ready and all of the 17 year olds grabbed plates and made a dash for the food, pushing and shoving each other, generally being 17-year-old boys with a little too much alcohol in their system. Before they actually got to the buffet Mac's dad walked in to the room and took once glance at what was happening and he said 'Right you lot, guests first.' Without protest or grumbling or reproach the boys turned around and walked back to the table and sat down.
There was a stunned silence from the guests. Mac's dad hadn't raised his voice, hadn't threatened them, hadn't sworn or ranted, he had just told them what to do and they had obeyed without complaint. For the rest of the night Mac said you overheard people saying things like 'How did he do that?' 'Wish I could get [insert name] to do the stuff I say.' 'He didn't even sound angry!'
I always loved this story because to me it showed the admiration these almost men had for Mac's dad. There would have been times over the years that they would not have agreed with the decisions that he made and times I am sure they had butted heads, but he had given them good guidance and they respected Mac's dad for it. So when he said guests first, they all turned back knowing that He was right.
Because of that story, I should not have been quite so surprised at what happened with Mac. I was though. It was a complete shock.
We have a group of friends that we have pretty much had for the last four and a half years. There is a basic core of us that are really good friends and then there are people who come and go and depending on the relationships they are in and such. The core of us try and get together for dinner at least once a month and the others that are around get an invite too and whoever shows up is there. It's a pretty informal thing and always lots of fun.
If Mac has been into the office, a friend will call past and drive me to the restaurant so that Mac doesn't need to drive out and pick me up. There is a fringe dweller that has been hanging around for a couple of months and he really gets on my nerves. His name is Robert. He once whined about not liking woman that NEED men, but refused to be drawn into a discussion on it and made me feel rather small with the way he spoke to me. I have pretty much avoided Robert since then but he happened to be there this night.
The situation that arose started out as a discussion once again on the strength of women that need men and it very quickly turned ugly and at that point I should have walked away. Instead I stood my ground and the rest of our friends joined in and there was some name calling and it was all really awful and I tried to back off but no one was listening and it looked like a discussion that one would see at the local football ground, not in our favourite place to eat.
At the height of it Robert called me a stupid slut and I thought that any second punches would be thrown and it was at that moment Mac walked in. Everyone started talking to Him and He ignored them all and looked directly at me.
'What is going on?' He said calmly and everyone fell silent and of course I started to jibber out some answer to defend my part in this.
'Well Robert started talking about women who need men being weak and I told him I need You but I am not weak...'
Mac held up His hand and I stopped.
'Why would you feel a need to defend our relationship to anyone let alone someone who obviously doesn't have a clue? You do not need to speak to Robert anymore, nor will you ever defend us again. Do you understand?' He said all this quite calmly, no anger, no frustration, no disappointment in His voice. He just stated it as fact.
I stood there with my head bowed, and felt very ashamed of my behaviour. I told Him I understood and that I was sorry. Much to my amazement, others around us apologised too. Mac announced that He was going to the bathroom and that when He came back, He would start His evening over. He kissed me on the cheek (a sign between us that all is forgiven) and He left.
The conversation slowly resumed in a much more normal manner and Robert was judiciously ignored. He said that he was leaving and no one tried to stop him and the room felt much lighter with him gone.
Mac came back bounding with His usual energy and the dinner turned out to be a lot of fun. There was lots of good conversation and much laughter and not one person mentioned Robert or what had happened again.
Mac had taken control of a room full of rowdy people without even trying.